Where Are You?

You have found my little corner of the online universe. This is where I am collecting the things I am passionate about. Please have a look around and check back often as I will be adding things.


Map of the internet from wikipedia.org

Email Jokes

There?s a Scotsman driving through Europe and an Englishman driving in the opposite direction. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.

The Scotsman manages to climb out of his car and survey the damages. He looks at his twisted car and says, ?Jesus, I am really lucky to be alive!?

Likewise, the Englishman scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, ?I can?t believe I survived this wreck!? The Englishman walks over to the Scotsman and says, ?You know, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of such rivals.?

The Scotsman thinks for a moment and says, ?You know, you?re absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I?m gonna see what else survived the wreck.?

So, the Scotsman pops open his boot and finds a full-unopened bottle of Whiskey. He says to the English fella, I think this is another sign from God that we toast to our new found understanding and friendship.?

The Englishman says, ?You?re damn right!? and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down the Whiskey.

After putting away nearly half the bottle, the Englishman hands it back to the Scotsman and says, ?Your turn!?
The Scotsman twists the cap back on the bottle and says,?Nahh, I think I?ll wait for the police to show up.?


Subject: Please support the candidate of your choice ....

Very important.....be sure to read every word carefully.

There are less than eight months until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States. The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans.

To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice.

If you support the policies and character of John McCain, please drive with your headlights on during the day.

If you support Obama or Hillary, please drive with your headlights off at night.


Subject: Funny...

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole ?


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 
'I think I like playing with men's balls.'


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed 
any help. I replied, 
'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' 
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. 
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot 
of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell 
for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, 
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, 'No.' 
I kept thinking, 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' 
Then I said, 
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 
'Danny, did you have an accident?' 
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. 
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female 
news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after 
it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' 
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!


While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. 
Without thinking she just announced 'Please buckle up, grab your drinks 
and hold your nuts, we're taking off!'. 
No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and so were half of the passengers.

Subject: Atlanta Air Traffic Control

You gotta love this one even if you've never lived in the South. Some of you will enjoy this more than others... Southerners can be so polite! ......................

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R.

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised."

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great."



Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511."


Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us

Pretty Planet

What a pretty blue planet!
Suggestion: Full-screen view


South of the Iberian Peninsula:
A sand storm leaves North Africa and the Canary Islands

Straight of Gibraltar

Night arrives over Europe and Northern Africa

The Swiss Alps


The Black Sea

The Red Sea

Hurricane off the coast of Florida

Even submerged in darkness it is a beautiful sight






Flattened Projection
(scroll horizontally to see all of it, then scroll back)

As you live and breathe on this earth,
remember you are on a beautiful planet in a beautiful universe.

Sinking the Oriskany

Sinking of the Oriskany 17-May-2006

The Oriskany, a decommissioned aircraft carrier, was sunk 24 miles off the coast of Pensacola, Fla., on May 17 to form an artificial reef.

The sinking of the 888-foot ship took 37 minutes

I believe these Pictures were taken by the US Navy - they are not mine!!

The SMALL BOAT on the deck of carrier contains a generator and electronics to set off the explosions. It was designed so this small boat would float free after the carrier sunk!

Published - May, 18, 2006 
A veteran of two wars, ship surrenders to sea
Larry Wheeler 
Pensacola News Journal

A U.S. Navy warship whose service stretched from the Korean to the Vietnam wars surrendered to the sea Wednesday after explosive charges sent the vessel to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. 
Contrary to Navy engineers' predictions of a sinking lasting as long as five hours, the decommissioned aircraft carrier Oriskany went down in just 36 minutes. 
The dramatic conclusion came less than 48 hours after the carrier was towed from its berth at Pensacola Naval Air Station and then anchored on the site with its bow facing due south. 
Hundreds of veterans and onlookers watched the spectacle Wednesday morning from the decks of dozens of charter boats and pleasure craft that trekked to the site of the sinking, about 24 miles south of Pensacola and 212 feet deep. 
The process began under blue skies and a bright sun at approximately 10:25 a.m. when a blast from deep in the hull of the ship erupted through the open gaps in the hangar bay. 
Bright orange flames flashed, followed by a deep boom that was heard and felt a mile away. Acrid brown smoke obscured parts of the ship for several minutes. 
Once the smoke cleared, it was obvious the old flattop was going down far faster than expected. 
Within 30 minutes, the ship listed hard to port, its fantail already in the water and hurricane bow pointed skyward. 
In just a few dramatic moments, the vertical control tower submerged and then the tip of the bow slipped from sight. 
Water around the vessel bubbled and frothed as air continued to escape from the sinking ship. 
"It was an emotional moment," said Bill Dickson, a retired Navy captain and Escambia County commissioner who was instrumental in bringing the vessel to Florida for reefing. 
One era ends, another begins 
The Oriskany is the first of what Navy officials hope will be many obsolete ships turned over to coastal states for reefing to enhance the marine environment and to boost local economies through increased spending on sports fishing and recreational diving.
At 888 feet long, the ship is believed to be the world's largest man-made artificial reef. The sinking marked the first time the Navy intentionally scuttled such a large vessel so close to shore to be a reef. 
Aircraft carriers are designed to be hard to sink, so the effort to set the big ship down upright was no easy task. 
Whether the effort was a success won't be known for sure until later today when Navy divers check the ship and disarm any explosives that might not have detonated. 
Robert Turpin, chief of Escambia County's Marine Resources division, was optimistic about the Oriskany's position. 
"It looked like it did the right thing," said Turpin, shortly after returning from the site where the Oriskany sank. 
Involved since the very beginning in the unusual bid to reef an aircraft carrier here, Turpin said he was surprised at the speed with which the Oriskany sunk. 
He said the bubble pattern and the presence of two buoys that marked the positions of a documentary film crew's cameras signaled to him the carrier settled upright on the bottom. 
"It leveled going down," said Turpin, who was within three-quarters of a mile as the ship sank. 
As an artificial reef, the Oriskany is more valuable if it settled upright. That would make its vertical command tower reachable for recreational divers. If the ship is leaning on the bottom, the tower is deeper and harder to reach. 
"We're all hoping as it settled on the bottom, it flattened out," said Edwin Roberts, who witnessed the scuttling from aboard the Nyhaven, an 85-foot pleasure yacht. 
Either way, the wreck will be a huge attraction to sports fishermen, Roberts said. 
'Mighty O's' roots 
The Oriskany was named for a New York town that was the site of a bloody Revolutionary War battle. 
She was the last of the World War II-era Essex class of carriers. Completed in time to serve in the Korean War, the Oriskany later underwent a series of upgrades to make room for larger, faster jet fighters. 
During the Vietnam War, the Oriskany outperformed larger and newer carriers by launching more sorties and dropping more bombs. 
In 1966, tragedy struck when 44 sailors and officers were killed in a fire that started on the hanger deck. 
By 1976, the Oriskany had become a relic and was decommissioned. An estimated 45,000 sailors served aboard the vessel during her 26 years in the fleet. 
The Navy tried repeatedly to discard the ship. 
Three attempts to scrap her failed. 
No one accepted an offer to turn the ship into a museum, unlike her famous sisters -- Intrepid, Yorktown, Hornet and Lexington. 
Finally, in what might have been the ultimate indignity, experts at the Naval Historical Center excluded the Oriskany from a list of Navy inactive ships eligible for the National Register of Historic Places. 
But the vessel dubbed by her crew as "Mighty O" may have had the last word. 
The Navy spent more than three years and $20 million preparing Oriskany to become an artificial reef. 
The project was repeatedly delayed to meet Environmental Protection Agency concerns about removal of hazardous substances including oil, fuel, asbestos and PCBs -- polychlorinated biphenyls, which are cancer-causing substances used throughout old ships in electrical equipment. 
Even then, for a while, it seemed as if the 56-year-old flattop might never go down. 
She was towed between Pensacola and Texas three times before the sinking was set. 
Navy officials insist the time and money were well-spent to establish standards that will speed the reefing of other obsolete ships. 
Not all of them will cost $20 million, deputy assistant secretary of the Navy for Installations and Environment said this week. 
"The next one will be less," Don Schregardus said. "In fact, I would think it would be substantially less."

























Last Updated: 24-May-2006 

Archived from: The Irishman Software's, Melbourne, Florida - http://www.IrishmanSoftware.com/